The NBA draft lottery is tonight with one of the deepest draft classes in recent memory on the line. The future of the NBA could be decided by a few bouncing balls. Which if we’re being honest should be full-sized team branded basketballs in some sort of giant thunder dome-style orb and every time one drops through the bottom, it goes through a chain basketball net and then air horns would go off or “Whoomp! There it is!” plays. I don’t know, I haven’t thought this out yet.
Barring all that, here are 4 better ways to decide the NBA draft order:
1. Fighting the Paul Brothers
Obviously not every team has a member who wants to fight Jake or Logan Paul, and that’s alright. If you opt out, you stay where you are in the draft order. But if you fight and your guy wins, you leapfrog every team who didn’t fight the Paul brothers, and if you lose your team relocates to Seattle.
2. Jelle’s Marble Runs
Have you seen these things on YouTube? Highest production value on random bullshit on the internet. You give that feller twenty-grand and get him to dredge out a beach in Miami where branded basketballs race to the finish. That’s some real excitement right there!
3. Hyper Intelligent Octopus
4. Let OKC Trade Their Draft Picks to Decide the Order
The Oklahoma City Thunder have six picks in the first two rounds of this year’s draft. They should be able to cash those prize tickets in for the proverbial giant stuffed bear that is just straight up deciding where every team picks in the first round. I’m talking about trading in all 6 picks for one and the ability to relegate divisional opponents like the Timberwolves to the end of the first round. The Thunder have 38 draft picks over the next seven years. At this point, OKC owns the NBA draft. Let’s just say the quiet part loud.
Enjoy the draft, even knowing your new star will just join up with Zion and Doncic in New York anyway.